Hard Times in the Great Valley

        On April 18, 1946, 12 men lost their lives in the Great Valley Mine explosion. Among those taken that day was Frank Robert Price age 38, husband, father, and grandfather to all of the many unborn children who would never have the chance to know him. I myself am included in the latter group. To me it’s a sad story from a time long before my birth, but for those left behind by this terrible accident it was devastating. The local paper wrote:

“For twelve miners, a violent death. For sixty-three widows and orphans, grief, despair and hardship. Wrought by a devastating explosion that struck down an entire crew working deep in the McCoy Va. Mine of the Great Valley Anthracite Coal Corporation early April 18."

Picture caption:

”Mrs. Frank Price, center, leaves the Church of God in Parrott, Va., after funeral services for her husband, his brother Paul, and Less Sarver, who died with nine others in an explosion at the nearby Great Valley mine. Mrs. Price was left with four children,  the youngest three years old."

         It was already clear to the author of the breaking news story just how hard it would be for the survivors of those men. The men who were the soul providers for the wives and children left behind. In a time and place where life was hard and families struggled to make it, this now put them in dire straights indeed.
         For the Frank Price family things were no different. For his wife Kate and the four children, Phyllis, Harley, Temple, and Dorothy, an already hard life was about to get unbearable. The oldest daughter Phyllis, known to all as “Sister” was left to shoulder a large part of the burden. She wrote:

“As soon as the boys could leave McCoy, they did. They left at a very early age. They hired almost children back then, they both moved to Blacksburg to work. People took them in. leaving me to take care of the family. We never had any thing to eat except when the men would go gigging, that's spearing fish at night, (against the law) they would put one in momma's rain barrel. We thought we were in heaven. We ate water gravy. That's just flour, lard, water, salt and pepper. I was so skinny, of course we all were. I went to work for a Mrs. Kate Lilly. I worked all day long on my knees cleaning around the floor boards. They had a fancy house with designs and I had to take a cloth on a knife and clean. I got paid a pound of butter and a gallon of milk a week. I would run across the coal dump between the mining camp and fancy homes. We would gather around the table and momma would slice a piece of butter so thin and lay it in our hands and we licked it off. We never had bread.”

      For those of us who grew up in Lyndon Johnson’s “Great Society” where welfare was born and the notion that someone else should take care of us if we can’t, became the rule. This kind of experience is so unimaginable for us that it is impossible for us to comprehend a life like that. I myself wrote in this very blog how tough my growing up years were. I now feel embarrassed that I thought I had it rough when compared to my father’s family.
      To those of you who are left I salute you. For those who worked in unbearable conditions to provide for their families, to help build this country and died in the process, you truly were the “Greatest Generation” . I am proud to say that the one thing that was passed down to me from both my father and mother’s families is a built in desire to always work hard for the things that are most important, our families, our loved ones and our futures.

A New Beginning

        One week ago today marked a new beginning for one of my loved ones. On this day she went through something that has happened many times before but this time it was different. Different because on this day her life and everyone close to her was changed forever.

        After over a year of much turmoil, anxiety , uncertainty and pain, the final stone in the foundation of a new life was laid. Now the rest of the dream can begin to be built and no mater what happens from this point on, no one can take this away or use it to manipulate or cause you more suffering. The joy of this wonderful arrival is your key to much joy and happiness.
        Always remember…..

It is never too late to live happily ever after!!!!!

" Aunt Dorothy "

I visited my Aunt Dorothy the other day. She’s such a sweet and loving person and she welcomed me with open arms. We visited for a while, caught up on what’s going on and took a couple of pictures. Oh, did I mention that this was the first time I had seen her in over 50 years? …….

           My father died in 1959 and about a year later his mother passed away. As often happens in situations like these our families drifted apart. My mother remarried, and went about starting our new life. I never really knew my father’s family except for one of his brothers who married my mother’s sister. Unfortunately he too died at a young age a few years after my father passed.

          As the years passed we grew up and went about our lives. There was but only the occasional mention of that life and those that we left behind. I have always had a yearning to know more about my father and that side of our family which I never knew. But, as often happens, we go through our lives consumed by the demands of work, raising our families and all the things in between, there’s only time for the present. Sadly with each passing tick of the clock that is our lives, the past grows dimmer and farther away. But by some stroke of fate, a window to the past was opened a few days ago……..

         We were on a mini vacation for a few days and since my Mom’s birthday was coming up we joined her and my sister Peggy for lunch on Sunday. As part of casual conversation, my sister mentioned to me that a lady who said she was our father’s sister had called and left her a message stating that she wanted to talk to her. I thought it a little strange and simply told her to make sure she really knew who she was talking to and to be careful. As we finished our lunch and eventually said our goodbyes, Joyce and I headed out to complete the last leg of our trip by visiting her sister in Beckley WV.
         Later that evening I got a call from my sister and she excitedly began telling me that she had returned the phone call she had received earlier and it was indeed from our Aunt Dorothy, my father’s youngest sister. She told me of her conversation and then she gave me the most incredible news of all… our Aunt Dorothy lives in Beckley! I knew immediately that I could not pass up the chance to meet and talk to her but because of plans we had already made it would be the following afternoon before I could see her. As the time grew nearer I could feel the nervousness and anticipation begin to grow. I had no idea what she looked like, what she would be like or how she would react to meeting me, but as we pulled into the drive and began the walk to the door a calm came over me for I knew that once again destiny had intervened in my life. I knew this was meant to be…..

         I reached the door and gently knocked a couple of times. In just a few seconds she appeared and pushed open the storm door just far enough to allow us to look at each other eye to eye.“ I’m looking for Dorothy” I said as I continued to study her face. She hesitated for a moment and then simply said “I’m Dorothy”. “I’m Temple “I replied. As Joyce described it to me later, she momentarily looked as if she had just seen a ghost, but then in an instant a smile flashed across her face and tears welled up in her eyes as she reached out for me and we embraced each other. I was somewhat overwhelmed by her emotion as she kept telling me that this is what her brother would have looked like……

         I left her house that day hoping that maybe I had brought a little bit of unexpected happiness to her and wondering just what this encounter would mean to me as time goes by. But for now this sweet little lady has brought me a little closer to that far away piece of my life which I never knew.

"Breaking Away"

         “They say that breaking up is hard to do”, a line from a song whose author had it wrong! Breaking up is easy, it’s the breaking away that’s hard to do!


           There are many things that can cause a break up between two people, some small, some earth shattering, Most of us have been through it at some point in our lives, whether it’s breaking up with a girl/boy friend that you’ve been with for a while or a husband/wife who have been together for years. It’s all the same when it comes to the break up. It’s as simple as telling them you don’t want to be with them anymore or by something you do to cause them not to want to be with you any longer. That’s the easy part.

          Don’t get me wrong, it can be very traumatic when you are in the midst of a breakup, but once the decision is final that’s when the real hell begins. Usually it’s not a mutual decision, one side wants to try to repair the relationship or out of desperation they cling to the hope that the other person will reconsider their decision and change their mind. Oftimes they will hold on just as a way of inflicting some sort of revenge on you for what you did. It’s all crazy stuff.

         The point of the matter is that there is a certain amount of pain and suffering that one should expect in these situations and rightfully so. That’s all part of the process, but at some point the hurting has to stop and the healing has to begin for both sides. When the anger turns to hurt and the hurt turns to torture, enough is enough! There’s a reason they’re in the boat they’re in and they should have been smart enough to spot the leaks before it became a sinking ship!

         For those on the other side of the fence, the lament becomes “ I just wish they would leave me alone” . To you I say, when you think it can’t get any worse it surely will and when you think you can’t take it any more you will find the strength to carry on the fight. When you feel that all is lost, there will be a glimmer of hope that will guide you on your way to a brighter day and your own personal “Breakaway”

Parenthood....the "look at me I'm all grown up" years

            Parenthood, It's a wonderful thing, in fact it most likely will be your life's greatest achievement. As I look back, becoming a parent was one of the greatest and maybe the scariest moments of my life. Bringing a new life into the world and nurturing it to adulthood is a monumental task for all involved. If you decide you want to be a parent you better pack a lunch because you're going to be there for a while and it will take every bit of energy, patience and not to mention money that you can muster!
         At some point though sooner or later your kids will grow up and leave home to make their way in the world on their own. First there will be school or jobs and then husbands or wives and then houses and kids. If all this sounds familiar it could be because it is, it's the very same thing that you did when you were in their place! The best you can hope for is that they don't make the same mistakes you did and that they have a easier time of it than you.
        Even though that is your wish, life doesn't always go according to plan and things go awry. These are the times that require you to dust off your boots and jump back in the saddle to ride in defense of you child once again.! All kidding aside, we as parents should be smart enough to know that sooner if not later our kids are going to go through some rough times and probably do some things we don't like or agree with, but these are the times that they need us the most. Just as they did when they were little, by nature they will turn to you for advice, help, or support and sometimes just a shoulder to cry on. It is up to us to provide what ever it is that we can to get them through and back on track. The one thing we can't do is turn them away or turn our backs on them when the going gets tough.
        I myself am proud to say that I have two of the most wonderful children that a parent could ask for and I have always done my best to love and support them to the best of my ability, and they have always been there for me in my times of need. It is a wonderful feeling to have that kind of bond with a child. Who knows, they may be the ones changing your diapers one of these days !

Decades

         
            2010, Wow, a new decade has slipped up on us again! It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years since the turn of the century. I've spent a lot of time lately reflecting on decades past. For those of us who were born in a year close to the start of a new decade it's common for us to define our lives in ten year segments.
           For me that's easy, as it seems that some life changing event has happened in each of the six decades of life I've been around for. Just for the record I thought it would be interesting to share some of my thoughts on those events and what they meant to me, so here goes:


The 50's
             As the "Baby Boom" years were winding down I was the first born to a couple of kids of 14 and 17. After five tumultuous years, my father passed away at the age of 23 leaving Mom and four kids behind. We weren’t exactly off to a flying start. As the decade came to a close my first real memories of my early childhood weren't so good and I still to this day wonder how much different my life would have been if my father had lived.


The 60's
            As strange as it seems, I can trace a so much of who and what I am to what happened during this ten year period. In 1960 I started school, got a step father and began my journey through the decade that changed America forever! We spent the first five years of the 60's as most kids our age did, running, playing, going to school. My fondest memories from those years were of my grand parents as I was very close to them. Life was so simple back then. Little did I know how much things were about to change.
             The second part of the decade were among the worst of my young life. It began with the death of my grand mother, and continued with a string of years laced with tough times. I began to learn the harshness of being under privileged and growing up in a college town where a lot of our peers were from well to do families connected to the school. It made it tough to fit in. I tried my best, but without parental support and a dire lack of resources, it was almost impossible. It took me years to overcome the stigma.
            The 60's drew to a close as I spiraled toward my 16th birthday. I spent most of my time trying to figure out who I was and where I was going, and as Paul Simon put it "twitching like a finger on the trigger of a gun...."

To be continued .....

Decades ....continued

          As I reviewed the first installment of "Decades" in preparation to write the next post, I realized it turned out to be a little different than I had intended. My original thought was to define the decades of my life by pointing to specific events but it seemed to turn into a mini autobiography. But I guess thats OK, everyone seemed to enjoy it so I will stay the course.

The 70'S

          Looking back it's hard to imagine how so much can happen in ten years time. I don't think I could survive that kind of change now! When I turned sixteen my whole world seemed to change. The most amazing thing I remember about those times is how everything you do is a new experience and when you have to figure it out as you go along it can be scary.
         As the seventies began I was fresh off my sixteenth birthday, I got my drivers licence, got a car, started work on my first public job and started dating my soon to be wife. From there everything became a blur. A little more than two years into the decade I was married. In that same year I graduated from high school and became a father a couple of months later. It was if I had fallen off a cliff into the abyss called adulthood.  
          Four years later I made what turned out to be the most important decision of my life. I accepted a job with a company that wanted me to move away from the only place I had ever known. It started me on a journey that would lead me to the wonderfull place in my life I now reside.

......as I looked to west and watched the sun set over the giant blue mountains, a fair haired princess was at that very moment preparing for her journey, a journey that would lead her to me .....

           We spent the next four years raising our first daughter, creating our second beautiful daughter and moving three more times. Once again times were very hard, I worked way more than I should have and sometimes I wondered if the life we were chasing would ever be in our grasp.
            The 80's were on the horizon, my twenty's were slipping away and life was becoming more and more complicated.

Decades......continued again

The 80's

           As the 80's began it found us newly settled in eastern North Carolina. We busily went about the task of raising a family and managing a career . Life was pretty good. We spent a lot of time camping and doing all the things families should be doing together. In fact, the 80's were almost entirely dedicated to the kids as they worked their way through school. It was girl scouts, ballet, sports, and cheerleading. Friday night football, dances and sleep over's. I felt good about it. It was all the things I didn't have when I was their age.
            It was 1985 that marked another turning point in my life. We had become weary of all the moving and missed home. Out of the blue came a job offer from back home that I couldn't pass up. So we packed up and moved back to Virginia again. This was the place that my girls finally would call home. For me it was the beginning point of a journey that would span 25 years and finally lead me to real happiness.

        ........ the mountains rose once again in the west before me. In the land beyond the sunset the fair haired princess was troubled as she began her search for the love she could only dream of ..........      

            The balance of the decade was spent working on our new place, enjoying being with family again and all the things we missed while we were away. But for me there was something different. I realized that after all these years something was missing. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on but as the 80's drew to a close there were dark clouds on the horizon warning of an eminent storm of change.   
           

Decades.......continued one more time

The 90's

            The new decade had begun. Just like all the others before it, I had had a birthday a little more than a week before. This time it was my thirty seventh. Maybe it was what all men go through as they approach forty, or maybe it was my time to stop and evaluate where I stood in my life. Up until now I had been too busy to notice just how unhappy I was, no unhappy is not the right word, I think dissatisfied explains it better. I started to realize just how unsatisfied I was with my career, my marriage, my life in general. I had missed out on so much in my younger years, made so many mistakes and had so many things I wanted to do but never had the chance. I began to realize the window of oppertunity begins to shrink with every year that passes. It can make you do things you never would have done before.

........ as we both search for the happiness that eludes us, we find solace in the wrong people. They are not the ones ........

        The first two years of the decade change me forever. Like Forest Gump "thats all I have to say about that" . By mid decade everything has changed. I am now a granfather, the nest is now empty as my youngest goes off to school, my marriage is a mess and to top it all off my employer is taken over by a Baltimore company who wants me to transfer. I am ready for a change, but I am the only one. We make the move.
         The next five years drift by. The dissatisfaction I felt before now turns to unhappiness.

........ The fair haired princess also is called to the north, the wheels of destiny begin to turn .......  

       



      

Decades ....The New Millenium

        Reflecting back to the year 2000 it's a little more clear just how special that date was. It's a very small percentage of us who get to experience the turn of a century, but living through the turn of a millenium is something thats incredibly special. The traces of everything and everyone we know or can imagine will be swept away on the winds of time long before this thousand years comes to a close.
        Enough of that big picture thinking, it's time to get back to whats really important, our lives and loves and all the things that make our existence so very special.

Y2K.... A new beginning

        A new decade, a new millenium, exciting times?, a time of change ?, for me I'm staring 50 in the face and the prospects of more of the same old stuff. Now, the strain of a high pressure job, a crumbling relationship with my wife and my bad health habits start to take it's toll on me. The years roll along. I get older and more tired mentally and physically with every passing day. The only thing that keeps me going is my relationship with my grand children. It has become the best thing in my life. It is the only thing that my wife and I have in common, it is the last remaining bond between us.

...... the fair haired princess appears before me for the first time. She is there and stays for many days, but I do not see her for what she is. She knows that I am the one but does not allow herself to look upon me ........
       

        After a ten month failed attempt at trying to get in some kind of better shape and trying to quit smoking, I fell back into the grasp of bad eating habits and smoking again. The one good thing that comes from it is that I began to ride a bicycle again. I loved the bike when I was a child. It was my key to freedom and the world outside. As I began to ride more and more, my love of the bike is renewed and that love lives on to this day. It now is a symbol of my conquest of the health problems I was about to face.

       As the fall of 2005 arrived I began to feel tinges of pain in my chest. I thought it was from lifting or some other strenuous activity and thought that it would go away. The days passed and occasionally the same pain would return and I would try to ignore it. Then on a November night just before Thanksgiving I awoke at 2 AM with that same  pain in my chest except that is unlike anything I had felt before. I knew something terrible was happening but I never dreamed it could be what it was. I got up, dressed, and sat and waited.
       The paramedics that hastilly checked me out told me that it appeared to be a heart attack. I couldn't believe it. It was the last thing I thought I would ever happen to me. I had never been sick enough to miss work before in my life now this!
        The events that followed in the next few minutes and hours are something that I will not discuss here but lets just say I am glad to be able to share this story with you now. Several days later I leave the hospital with a chest full of stitches and a new outlook on life. I am determined to come back from this just as I have everything else I've faced in my life. The days pass and I struggle to make some kind of sense out of what's happened to me. I begin to recover, in four weeks I return to work. I start my search for answers to all the questions I now have about the past, the present and most of all the future. This time everything's changed.

.........the fair haired princess leaves for a new life across the seas but her presence lingers on. I find myself longing for her return even if it is only for a moment .............

         As the months turn to years. my sadness grows as I become more and more unhappy with my life. I try to keep busy doing all the mundain things I do, but the longing for someone to share my life and love with again is sometimes more than I can bear. After a while I resign myself to the fact that this is my life and it's not going to change. I am destined to live out my remaining days without ever again knowing the joys of a companion who really loves me and wants me and wants to share my life. Little did I know I was about to find out what destiny is really all about !

......... The fair haired princess returns to the place that once brought her happiness. I embrace her as I had done many times before but this time is different. As she turns to leave once again, I silently wish "see me, see me now" and she does. We never again take our eyes from each other.   

          

Together we live happily ever after !!!    

"Birthdays"

I had a birthday just the other day.
It felt kinda like the day before.
Nothing good about being another year older.
That's life I guess...
Better than the alternative
I know,
been there, done that.

"In My Life"

         The year was 1965, I, like so many kids at school were caught up in the music of the day. I had scraped together enough money to buy my first ever album,"Rubber Soul" by the Beatles. I bought it again a couple of month's ago in the newly released digitally remastered version on cd. Little did I know back then that forty some odd years later one of the little known cuts from the album would have such profound meaning for me and my Baby.

In My Life
There are places I remember
All my Life, though some have changed,
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places had their moments,
With lovers and friends I still can recall,
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compared to you,
And these memories loose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.
Though I'll never loose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I'll love you more.
In my life I'll love you more.

         With so many years of water under the bridges of life, our conversations inevitably turn to discussions about people, places and past relationships. This song really puts into perspective how I feel about this subject. Although there are people and places that had their moments, and will never loose their meaning, no one will ever compare to you! In my life I'll love you more .

" The Perfect Match "

           As I sat and watched TV the other night I kept seeing a commercial for eHarmony.com, one of the more popular online match making sites. Their claim to fame is that they supposedly match you to perspective mates using 29 different dimentions,whatever that means! It made me think about what I have told many people over the past year about me and my "Baby", as I like to call her, is that if I were to make a list of everything I would like to have in a woman, she would come up as my perfect match!
           I didn't sign up for her, I didn't "google" her, I really wasn't even looking for her. There was one thing I was doing, I dreamed of her every day! I dreamed of a woman who would love me as I would love her. Someone to share with me the joys of life and love as I had never done before.Magically she just appeared one day and changed my life forever. 
           Your perfect match isn't someone who is just like you, it's the person who is that rare combination of being like you in some ways and different in others. This allows you to feel as if the two of you together are like one, but stronger as individuals because of what the other one adds to the relationship.                
            I am so fortunate to have all of these things and more. I sometimes find myself in disbelief that after all these years I have found my "Perfect Match"