Christmas

      Christmas has traditionally been one of my favorite holidays and it continues to be even though so many things have changed in the past two years. I can't even begin to describe all the emotions and feelings connected with the Christmas holiday.
      There are however a few things that I am absolutely sure of, the most important one is that this Christmas season marked a turning point in my life that has been in the making for for a year and a half. Finally after all the drama and all the struggles and all the craziness, I am beginning to feel really comfortable with where I am, and the decision I made to start a new life. It was the biggest and toughest decision of my life, but it was absolutely the best thing I have ever done. I love my new life and the one with whom I share it!
        The other thing is that I have two of the most wonderfull children in the whole wide world! My time with them over the holiday will always be remembered as something very special.
         My youngest, Amanda, has been my biggest supporter over the past year, always being there for me and trying to understand why I chose the path I did even though it turned our family life upside down. She took me in when I had no where to go and always listened to my side of the story, trying to understand even though it didn't make a bit of sense at the time. And now in the biggest display of her love for me she has reconized my new love and welcomed her into her family's life. I cannot fully express how much I love her and how much this means to me! Her compassion, love and understanding will stay with me through the rest of my days.
         Monica, the oldest of my two girls, also endured a year of suffering and turmoil due to me. She unfortunately was left to deal with the majority of the emotional overload that consumed her mother.I can only imagine how it made her feel to be barraged with all the hate and anger her mother felt toward me. But as time went along and the real story began to get clearer, I think her love for me began to break through like the sun through a heavy morning fog. A ray here and there slowly becomes a flood of warmth and light. I was welcomed back into her life open arms and she too has accepted Joyce as a part of my life and therefore a part of her life.
        I want her to know that we are here for her in her time of need and this will become the days and months that redefine our relationship with each other. This is a new beginning , a new life and a new level of love for us all.              
      This truly will be a Christmas to remember!!

    

"Birthdays"

I had a birthday just the other day.
It felt kinda like the day before.
Nothing good about being another year older.
That's life I guess...
Better than the alternative
I know,
been there, done that.

"In My Life"

         The year was 1965, I, like so many kids at school were caught up in the music of the day. I had scraped together enough money to buy my first ever album,"Rubber Soul" by the Beatles. I bought it again a couple of month's ago in the newly released digitally remastered version on cd. Little did I know back then that forty some odd years later one of the little known cuts from the album would have such profound meaning for me and my Baby.

In My Life
There are places I remember
All my Life, though some have changed,
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places had their moments,
With lovers and friends I still can recall,
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compared to you,
And these memories loose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.
Though I'll never loose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I'll love you more.
In my life I'll love you more.

         With so many years of water under the bridges of life, our conversations inevitably turn to discussions about people, places and past relationships. This song really puts into perspective how I feel about this subject. Although there are people and places that had their moments, and will never loose their meaning, no one will ever compare to you! In my life I'll love you more .

" The Perfect Match "

           As I sat and watched TV the other night I kept seeing a commercial for eHarmony.com, one of the more popular online match making sites. Their claim to fame is that they supposedly match you to perspective mates using 29 different dimentions,whatever that means! It made me think about what I have told many people over the past year about me and my "Baby", as I like to call her, is that if I were to make a list of everything I would like to have in a woman, she would come up as my perfect match!
           I didn't sign up for her, I didn't "google" her, I really wasn't even looking for her. There was one thing I was doing, I dreamed of her every day! I dreamed of a woman who would love me as I would love her. Someone to share with me the joys of life and love as I had never done before.Magically she just appeared one day and changed my life forever. 
           Your perfect match isn't someone who is just like you, it's the person who is that rare combination of being like you in some ways and different in others. This allows you to feel as if the two of you together are like one, but stronger as individuals because of what the other one adds to the relationship.                
            I am so fortunate to have all of these things and more. I sometimes find myself in disbelief that after all these years I have found my "Perfect Match" 

Father and Child Reunion

            I saw my daughter yesterday for the first time in almost a year.

 We cried......

            The road that lead to this day has been a long and winding one. Incredibly the same thing that split us apart on a bleak January night has brought us back together. The details aren't important, the thing that is important is that the relationship between my daughter and I although severely stretched was not broken.
           Now we have been rejoined with a new understanding of the complexities of life and love and a new and stronger bond between us.

 We were happy.....
     

Thanksgiving

           Thanksgiving has always been a special time for me. In my past life it was about family gatherings, deer hunting and of course lots of food. That chapter of my life is closed now but it's one of the few things that I miss. Last Thanksgiving was the first together for Joyce and I. It was exactly what it should have been. We cooked ourselves a miniture version of a Thanksgivng feast, enjoyed our meal together and reminised about Thanksgivings past. We were happy and very thankful for being together.
           This year as the day approached we were preparing ourselves for a repeat of last year when things began to happen. First Joyce's daughter Elizabeth called and told her mother that she and her boyfriend Kenny wanted to come for dinner with us. We both were very excited about the prospects of Thanksgiving dinner with family again even though it was small. That's when I suggested to Joyce that she should invite her son Douglas and his family to come over also. We really didn't expect them to come since we assumed they would go to his wife's family gathering. Much to our surprise they accepted our invitation and even said they would be here early.
            Needless to say Joyce was overjoyed! She so misses her grandaughter Hallie and the time together with her family.I also have struggled, constantly dealing with the family turmoil caused by divorce but I feel like I have made great progress this past year with mending some of the situations with my children caused by the split up of their parents. Because of this, much to my surprise, I had the opportunity to bring my youngest grandson Jackson over to our house for the day. What a wonderful Thanksgiving gift that was for me!

            This just goes to show that no matter how bad things get there's always hope for a better future. All we can do is follow our hearts, be true to one's self, and take every opportunity to show our love for those who really count.

"The Blind Side"

               When Joyce first started telling me about wanting to see this movie( The Blindside) I thought to my self " oh no not another chick flick". But she assured me that because it was based on a true story about a football player ( Michael Oher ) that I would like it but I really got interested when I found out that the star of the movie was Sandra Bullock! Anyway back to the movie review....

                The story is set in Memphis Tn. where a young man is pulled from the projects by a friend who is trying to get his son accepted to a Christian academy and brings Michael aka "Big Mike" along for the ride. With high hopes of recruiting a star player the coach works to get Michael accepted because of his size but struggles because he's an academic disaster.

                Things really begin to change when Michael is taken in by LeAnne and Sean Tuohy,  a well to do couple, who help him through the trials and tribulations of breaking away from his other life in the projects and dealing with his crack addicted mother.

                 For us guys the football scenes are scripted and pretty much unbeleivable but Sandra makes up for it by looking incredible as a blonde! For the ladies it has plenty of tugs at the heart strings and surely will bring a tear or two. Costar Tim McGraw sheds his macho country superstar image to play the mild mannered buisnessman husband and pulls it off nicely.

                  This one is definitely worth seeing even though you'll have to fight your way through the "Twilight " groupies.    

Love

        Love ... Often dismissed as over rated by those who don't have it, cherished by those who do. Some spend a lifetime searching for it, others are lucky enough to find it at every turn. For those of us who have been around a while,we have most likely been on both sides of the fence.. had it.. lost it.. dreamed of it.. found it when we least expected it. I myself have been lucky enough to find the love of my life at a time when I had just about come to the conclusion that all hope of feeling that most wonderful of emotions again was gone forever.
        It has changed me and changed my life! It is amazing how you look at things differently through those rose colored glasses that are standard equipment when you are in love. Things that were once drudgery are now fun and exciting. Each day becomes an adventure, things that once seemed out of reach are now possible and your desire to reach out for those things is renewed.
        If you consider yourself in love, don't take it for granted that it will always be there, for you may wake one day and realize that things have changed. It will leave you wondering where you went wrong. Love is like a beautifull garden filled with things you love to enjoy. But without a lot care and nurturing it can become wilted, filled with weeds and finally dying, leaving behind only the remains of what used to be.
        So whether it's a spouse, a girl/boy friend, a child or a parent, don't just say the words that we so often carelessly use out of habit when leaving them or at the end of a phone conversation. "I love you" should always come from the heart and be accompanied by the actions and emotions that let them feel what you feel for them and inspires them to love you in return.