A Driving Experience

              My crew chief touched me on the shoulder and said “it’s time to go”. I stepped over the yellow pit road wall and strode toward my number 27 “State Water Heater” Chevrolet. After connecting the straps of the HANS device that sits on my shoulders to the rear of my helmet to prevent my head from snapping forward in case of a head on impact with the retaining wall, I swung my right leg through the window opening and stretched it down through the cockpit onto the floor in front of the seat. Following with my left leg, I slid the rest of my body through the small opening and down into the narrow confines of the high backed racing seat. The four inch shoulder belts came together at my waist with the two side belts and the crotch strap to create what’s called the five point safety harness. My upper torso felt as if it was now a part of the car only able to move wherever and whenever it moved. 
           The steering wheel is slipped onto the steering column and pinned. It has to be unhooked and removed in order to create enough room to get in and out of the car. I shift the four speed transmission into 1st gear causing a green light on the dash to illuminate, the ignition switch on the dash is flipped into the on position and with a touch of the start switch the 700 horse power Chevy engine roars to life. I feel the vibrations of the awesome power of the engine as it flows back through the steel roll cage and courses through my body. My car chief sticks his head around the window net, tugs one more time on my belts and asks “are you ready?” I nod my head and give him thumbs up. For a split second I feel like a kid who readies himself for that first roller coaster ride and the amusement park guy clicks the bar down in front of you and you think to yourself “what in the world am I doing here?”.

         Joyce and I drove through the tunnel which leads to the infield of the Charlotte Motor Speedway. In thirty minutes I was to begin my “Rookie Experience” at the Richard Petty Driving School. This package deal gets you an instructional class on driving an official Sprint Cup stock car and eight laps around the famed mile and a half oval. I have always wanted to do this, but had never even sat in a race car before much less driven one by myself.

          After check in, where I turned in my two page waiver form which required me to promise not to sue the school or the track and advised me many times that I could be seriously hurt of killed by participating in this program, I was handed a driver uniform which I anticipated would be of those one size fits all things that wouldn’t even come close to fitting my tall but slim frame. Once I got it on and zipped it up I was amazed at how well it fit and actually looked pretty darn good. As you know style points are important in these situations

         There were twelve of us in my group, eleven guys and one girl. I was the oldest of the group; the youngest was a red headed kid being I guessed about sixteen. About half of the guys had done it before and knew what to expect. I listened closely to their conversations to try to pick up any bits of information that might help me out on the track. Our crew chief for the day was a young girl named Laura who was an aspiring pro driver who had been driving for several years and was looking for her big break like so many others like her. She put us through the paces with some verbal instruction and then a couple of safety related videos just in case something would go wrong. She made it a point to assure us that driving these things wasn’t that difficult. Just get out there and go fast!
          I was the last one in my group to go out. After being strapped in and the car being fired up, it was time to go. My instructor’s car sat on pit road a few car lengths in front of me. We had been instructed to follow in his tire tracks three car lengths back at all times. Lights mounted on the rear of his car would blink green if we lagged too far behind and yellow if we got too close. I was to shift through the gears at 4000 RPM. Be careful coming up off the flat apron of the track on to the banked racing surface. Be sure to lift off the gas at the entrance to the turns and roll through the corners. Back on the accelerator at about half way through the turns and don’t forget the dogleg on the front stretch. By the way, the suspension is set up to turn left so when you’re going down the straight-aways you’ll have steer toward the wall to keep it straight. Don’t forget to do a brake check as you come off the track onto pit road and knock the car out of gear so you won’t run over the guy flagging you in to your pit stall fifty yards down pit road. I remembered what Laura had said “It’s not that difficult. Just get out there and go fast!”

My biggest fan!

             I slowly released the clutch and the car rolled off down pit road, I shifted quickly into 2nd gear and then into 3rd just at the end of pit road. Following the apron at the bottom of the track we headed off through turn one and down the backstretch still on the apron but building speed. About halfway down the straight I saw my instructor’s car pitch up onto the racing surface. Following his lead I reached for the shifter and pulled it back into 4th and mashed the gas. I have to tell you, from that point on everything became a blur. As we circled the track my eyes were glued to the back of his car, concentrating on his line, trying to stay in line. For the first few laps all I remember is the turn numbers painted on the walls in big black letters and the flashing green lights on the back of my instructors car urging me to go faster and close up the gap between us. At about half way through, I started to feel the sensation of speed and the power of the car as I punched the accelerator coming off the turns and wondering how was it sticking and not shooting me up towards the wall.

             With each lap things began to slow down in my head and I began to get a little rhythm and finally the green lights went out, telling me I was up to speed and turning fast laps at over 120 miles an hour. Just as I was starting to get the feel of what I was doing, we passed under the flag stand where the checkered flag was flying. It was over.     
             All that was left was the cool down lap and remembering my instructions for hitting pit road. As I pulled to a stop the car chief dropped the window net, shut the car down and began unbuckling my belts. “How was it” he said. “Great” I replied.
              I had done something I could have only dreamed of before. This day had been a prime example of what my new life is all about. New challenges, new experiences, and a new found understanding of just how special these times are and how much I love my new life and those who share it with me!

Our Song

          Have you ever thought about how much ground your mind can cover in a very short period of time? All you need is a little free time and something to jumpstart that amazing machine that hums along inside our heads. That’s what happened to me on a two hour drive alone today back from the eastern shore.

         While searching for a station to listen to on my satellite radio I ended up on “Sixties on Six”. I don’t listen to it much because it always provokes thoughts of a time that wasn’t all that kind to me, but I do love the music. As the songs and the miles clicked by, my mind began a dizzying journey through time touching down every now and then to a spot that had some special meaning in my life. Each thought generates another and another and before you know it you’re on that roller coaster ride through the storage vaults of our minds where memories are kept in unmarked files just waiting to be pulled out and dusted off.
          I wish I could say that that these journeys always make me feel better, but they usually don't. I almost always end up wishing I had made some different choices or had a few less missed opportunities. Sometimes I think I would sell my soul to have twenty five years of wear and tear knocked off my body.
         Then as I step back into real time I think to myself . You know what? I couldn’t be any happier than I am right now. It’s all because of that one special person who walked into my life a couple of years ago and changed everything.
         My quality of life gets better and better with each passing day. I have it all now, love, passion, adventure and happiness. We are blessed with wonderful children and their families who share our lives and give us much joy. Heck, sometimes I even feel twenty five years younger even if it is only for a short while! I love my life now and I love the woman who shares it with me ! This is our song as we continue to live happily ever after.

“…..I hope you don’t mind that I put down into words ….how wonderful life is while you’re in the world."

“Your Song”

Elton John

Love Her Madly

           As I worked out this morning I listened to music on my Ipod as I often do. One of my all time favorites, The Doors, was the choice of the day. I have been inspired by the lyrics of Jim Morrison many times and today is one of those times. As the play list rolled along I paid little attention to the music, songs that I have heard a million times provided a backdrop for my exercise, then there it was “Love Her Madly”. As the lyrics  filtered through my headphones and into my brain ”don’t you love her madly?” the first line from the song hit me and all of a sudden my thoughts turned from the task at hand to thoughts of the woman I love.
          "I do love her madly" I answered to myself and the long time dead poet who wrote those words. It’s different this time. This time the love is real and not imagined. This time it’s forever. This time I can’t stand to be apart from her. This time I have someone to stand beside me through the good times and the bad. This time it’s all different. This time I do “Love Her Madly”

Hard Times in the Great Valley

        On April 18, 1946, 12 men lost their lives in the Great Valley Mine explosion. Among those taken that day was Frank Robert Price age 38, husband, father, and grandfather to all of the many unborn children who would never have the chance to know him. I myself am included in the latter group. To me it’s a sad story from a time long before my birth, but for those left behind by this terrible accident it was devastating. The local paper wrote:

“For twelve miners, a violent death. For sixty-three widows and orphans, grief, despair and hardship. Wrought by a devastating explosion that struck down an entire crew working deep in the McCoy Va. Mine of the Great Valley Anthracite Coal Corporation early April 18."

Picture caption:

”Mrs. Frank Price, center, leaves the Church of God in Parrott, Va., after funeral services for her husband, his brother Paul, and Less Sarver, who died with nine others in an explosion at the nearby Great Valley mine. Mrs. Price was left with four children,  the youngest three years old."

         It was already clear to the author of the breaking news story just how hard it would be for the survivors of those men. The men who were the soul providers for the wives and children left behind. In a time and place where life was hard and families struggled to make it, this now put them in dire straights indeed.
         For the Frank Price family things were no different. For his wife Kate and the four children, Phyllis, Harley, Temple, and Dorothy, an already hard life was about to get unbearable. The oldest daughter Phyllis, known to all as “Sister” was left to shoulder a large part of the burden. She wrote:

“As soon as the boys could leave McCoy, they did. They left at a very early age. They hired almost children back then, they both moved to Blacksburg to work. People took them in. leaving me to take care of the family. We never had any thing to eat except when the men would go gigging, that's spearing fish at night, (against the law) they would put one in momma's rain barrel. We thought we were in heaven. We ate water gravy. That's just flour, lard, water, salt and pepper. I was so skinny, of course we all were. I went to work for a Mrs. Kate Lilly. I worked all day long on my knees cleaning around the floor boards. They had a fancy house with designs and I had to take a cloth on a knife and clean. I got paid a pound of butter and a gallon of milk a week. I would run across the coal dump between the mining camp and fancy homes. We would gather around the table and momma would slice a piece of butter so thin and lay it in our hands and we licked it off. We never had bread.”

      For those of us who grew up in Lyndon Johnson’s “Great Society” where welfare was born and the notion that someone else should take care of us if we can’t, became the rule. This kind of experience is so unimaginable for us that it is impossible for us to comprehend a life like that. I myself wrote in this very blog how tough my growing up years were. I now feel embarrassed that I thought I had it rough when compared to my father’s family.
      To those of you who are left I salute you. For those who worked in unbearable conditions to provide for their families, to help build this country and died in the process, you truly were the “Greatest Generation” . I am proud to say that the one thing that was passed down to me from both my father and mother’s families is a built in desire to always work hard for the things that are most important, our families, our loved ones and our futures.

A New Beginning

        One week ago today marked a new beginning for one of my loved ones. On this day she went through something that has happened many times before but this time it was different. Different because on this day her life and everyone close to her was changed forever.

        After over a year of much turmoil, anxiety , uncertainty and pain, the final stone in the foundation of a new life was laid. Now the rest of the dream can begin to be built and no mater what happens from this point on, no one can take this away or use it to manipulate or cause you more suffering. The joy of this wonderful arrival is your key to much joy and happiness.
        Always remember…..

It is never too late to live happily ever after!!!!!

" Aunt Dorothy "

I visited my Aunt Dorothy the other day. She’s such a sweet and loving person and she welcomed me with open arms. We visited for a while, caught up on what’s going on and took a couple of pictures. Oh, did I mention that this was the first time I had seen her in over 50 years? …….

           My father died in 1959 and about a year later his mother passed away. As often happens in situations like these our families drifted apart. My mother remarried, and went about starting our new life. I never really knew my father’s family except for one of his brothers who married my mother’s sister. Unfortunately he too died at a young age a few years after my father passed.

          As the years passed we grew up and went about our lives. There was but only the occasional mention of that life and those that we left behind. I have always had a yearning to know more about my father and that side of our family which I never knew. But, as often happens, we go through our lives consumed by the demands of work, raising our families and all the things in between, there’s only time for the present. Sadly with each passing tick of the clock that is our lives, the past grows dimmer and farther away. But by some stroke of fate, a window to the past was opened a few days ago……..

         We were on a mini vacation for a few days and since my Mom’s birthday was coming up we joined her and my sister Peggy for lunch on Sunday. As part of casual conversation, my sister mentioned to me that a lady who said she was our father’s sister had called and left her a message stating that she wanted to talk to her. I thought it a little strange and simply told her to make sure she really knew who she was talking to and to be careful. As we finished our lunch and eventually said our goodbyes, Joyce and I headed out to complete the last leg of our trip by visiting her sister in Beckley WV.
         Later that evening I got a call from my sister and she excitedly began telling me that she had returned the phone call she had received earlier and it was indeed from our Aunt Dorothy, my father’s youngest sister. She told me of her conversation and then she gave me the most incredible news of all… our Aunt Dorothy lives in Beckley! I knew immediately that I could not pass up the chance to meet and talk to her but because of plans we had already made it would be the following afternoon before I could see her. As the time grew nearer I could feel the nervousness and anticipation begin to grow. I had no idea what she looked like, what she would be like or how she would react to meeting me, but as we pulled into the drive and began the walk to the door a calm came over me for I knew that once again destiny had intervened in my life. I knew this was meant to be…..

         I reached the door and gently knocked a couple of times. In just a few seconds she appeared and pushed open the storm door just far enough to allow us to look at each other eye to eye.“ I’m looking for Dorothy” I said as I continued to study her face. She hesitated for a moment and then simply said “I’m Dorothy”. “I’m Temple “I replied. As Joyce described it to me later, she momentarily looked as if she had just seen a ghost, but then in an instant a smile flashed across her face and tears welled up in her eyes as she reached out for me and we embraced each other. I was somewhat overwhelmed by her emotion as she kept telling me that this is what her brother would have looked like……

         I left her house that day hoping that maybe I had brought a little bit of unexpected happiness to her and wondering just what this encounter would mean to me as time goes by. But for now this sweet little lady has brought me a little closer to that far away piece of my life which I never knew.

"Anniversaire Nombre Deux"

......... The fair haired princess returns to the place that once brought her happiness. I embrace her as I had done many times before but this time is different. As she turns to leave once again, I silently wish "see me, see me now" and she does. We never again take our eyes from each other.

            Remember this excerpt from “Decades… The New Millennium” ? It’s the concluding paragraph from the fairy tale like story line I used to describe our search over the years for true love and happiness. It was a search that began many years ago before Joyce and I ever knew each other and concluded on this day, May 29th, two years ago.

           We both knew that something special happened that day, but I don’t think that either of us could have ever imagined just how much our lives were about to change! We were suddenly whisked away as if we had fallen into a vortex that magically transported us to another dimension. A dimension not like Rod Sterling’s “Twilight Zone” dimension of sight and sound, but a dimension of unbridled excitement, passion and new found love. It was a place we had never been before, a place we had searched for and longed for most of our adult life but had continued to elude us until this day.

           Over the past two years we have traveled many roads, weathered many, many storms, and fought battles that would have weakened many relationships such as ours, but through it all our love remains strong and true. For we have found the fairy tale of love affairs that most can only dream of and long for. Sure, we still have much work to do before we get to where we want to be, but two years ago today we started the most wonderful of all journeys, a journey filled with hope, promise, happiness, and everlasting love !  

A word to my “Fair Haired Princess”

My Dearest Joyce,
         Thank you so much for all the love and support you have given me over the past two years. I could not have made it without you. My love for you grows stronger with each passing day and along with it comes a level of happiness for which I have never known and it’s all because of you. My hope for you is that you have enjoyed the first two years of our new life together just as much as I have.

I love so very much !!!

Happy 2nd Anniversary

Tomorrow

          Tomorrow is the big day. Or at least we hope it is! Tomorrow is the day that my newest grandchild is scheduled to be born. The somewhat unusual choice by it’s parents not to know it’s gender has added quite a bit of suspense to the occasion.
         As the hours tick by I find myself becoming more and more anxious about tomorrow. It’s not like I haven’t been through this before, but it dawned on me just this morning that this time feels different for some reason. The level of emotion I am feeling is definitely higher than any other time that my girls have given birth.
         I began to remember back through the years to the births of my grand children. They all are special to me but some jump out as being extra special. Jacob was the first. Being first always holds special meaning. It was so wonderful to be a grandfather, I was so proud of him and still am to this day. Then there was Anna Kate. I still remember the shock we felt when we found out that she was born at home with the help of a mid wife. It was such a departure from what we were used to that at the time it was hard to comprehend. Although many of Monica’s kids were born like this, I have to admit, I never got over being scared.
         Elizabeth was Amanda’s first born. Being a single mother, and living with us at the time created a situation which we had never experienced before. By default we were directly involved in the day to day raising of her. At times I felt more like her father than I did a grandfather. Ten years later that special bond between us still exists.
        And now there is tomorrow. This child born tomorrow will be my first grandchild since my divorce. I am now on the front line, no buffer between myself, my daughter, my grandchild. That’s the difference. That’s why I feel the way I do. I feel so much closer to my daughters now than I did before. I feel more of a sense of responsibility this time around. But you know what ? I like it ! I like it this way and I am so looking forward to the future with this and every single one of my grandchildren, Those here today, arriving tomorrow and all those to come!

"Dream Catcher"

 
        I'm sure you all have either heard of or seen or actually owned one of these things called dream catchers. They originated with the American Indians and of course were eventually commercialized so that they could be sold in every gift shop and flea market on the planet. That’s the good ole American way isn't it? Any way, the idea of these things are that they are to be hung over your bed while sleeping to filter all of your dreams so as only the good ones get through leaving the unpleasant ones caught in the web like center of the catcher waiting to be cast away by the breaking of the new day, leaving the person it protects with only memories of the happiest of dreams.
         I guess you're wondering what all of this has to do with anything, well let me explain! A couple of weeks ago we went to the Smokies for vacation. We both felt like we just wanted to get away for awhile just to enjoy some peace and quiet instead of the hustle and bustle of a planned vacation trip. I knew where we wanted to go but beyond that there was no plan! I had the idea that a cabin rental might just be the perfect home base for this excursion, so the search began.
         For anyone who has ever tried to plan such a trip you have to have a feel for just how frustrating it can be. There must be a million of these rentals down there and every one of them wants you to think that their's is the best. On the very first of many computer searches I came across one that looked like it might be nice and sized just right for two people. The dates were available and the rates were great because it was still the off season there in between ski season and the summer vacation rush. Most of the rentals in the area all have a cute name bestowed upon them by their owners which I guess is supposed to attract you to their property. This one was no different. Trying to be a smart shopper, I continued my search over the next few days but for one reason or another I kept coming back to the afore mentioned property. Finally I gave up the search and booked our stay at the "Dream Catcher".
         Finally the week of our vacation arrived and we began our trek to the mountains to find the place we would call home for the next five days. Upon arriving in Gatlinburg we followed our directions which sent us up a steep and winding road which leads to the ski resort of Ober Gatlinburg. After many twists and turns around curves that seemed to be endless, our assent up the mountain continued until finally when we thought we couldn’t get any higher, there it was, at last the Dream Catcher had went from an internet page to a reality.
        Once inside we knew immediately that this was something special. Everything was just perfect! From the vaulted ceilings, to the stacked stone fireplace, to the beautiful bath with it's Jacuzzi tub and walk in shower (with plenty of room for two) and last but not least a marvelous hot tub on the rear deck with a beautiful view of the valley below and the back drop of the towering Smokey Mountains in the distance. It was a dream, a beautiful dream. Maybe there was something to this dream catcher thing after all!
        As the days drifted by, the thoughts of the world we left behind back home began to grow dimmer and dimmer. As we took full advantage of our time together in this beautiful setting to refresh our minds and bodies we were reminded of just how special our love for each other is and how much we love to be together. It was as if all the bad things that followed us back in our real world were magically erased, and we were left with only the happiness that our time together was providing. Out of all the vacation time we have shared in our short time together, none could compare to this. Most of the time when you near the end of a vacation you know you will be glad to get back home. This time it was different. As our departure time grew near we both began to feel the dread of leaving this special place which had brought us so much joy and happiness.
         As I pulled the door closed behind us for the last time I couldn't help but wonder. Maybe the name of this place wasn't so corny after all. Could it be that instead of a ring of feathers, the door to this place was the portal that only lets good things pass through? Only good times, good love and good memories? Maybe it is different for others who visit, but for us it will always be remembered as "Our Dream Catcher"!

http://www.chaletvillage.com/rentals/1007-Dreamcatcher/?page=1&bedrooms=0&viewtype=0

"Queen of the Angels"

Her eyes are like the twinkling of the stars on a crystal clear night,
she thinks that no one sees.
Her hair is like gold and catches the eye as she goes by,
she thinks that no one notices.
Her smile turns the sadest moments to joyfull laughter,
she doesn't understand why.
Her beauty lights up the faces of those she meets,
she thinks surely this can not be.
She thinks these things are all imagined,
but I know that they are real.
She is my angel, she is my love, she is my queen.
All the rest can continue to dream.
Throughout the years many have tried,
but I am the only guy who can make the Queen of the Angels sigh !

"Breaking Away"

         “They say that breaking up is hard to do”, a line from a song whose author had it wrong! Breaking up is easy, it’s the breaking away that’s hard to do!


           There are many things that can cause a break up between two people, some small, some earth shattering, Most of us have been through it at some point in our lives, whether it’s breaking up with a girl/boy friend that you’ve been with for a while or a husband/wife who have been together for years. It’s all the same when it comes to the break up. It’s as simple as telling them you don’t want to be with them anymore or by something you do to cause them not to want to be with you any longer. That’s the easy part.

          Don’t get me wrong, it can be very traumatic when you are in the midst of a breakup, but once the decision is final that’s when the real hell begins. Usually it’s not a mutual decision, one side wants to try to repair the relationship or out of desperation they cling to the hope that the other person will reconsider their decision and change their mind. Oftimes they will hold on just as a way of inflicting some sort of revenge on you for what you did. It’s all crazy stuff.

         The point of the matter is that there is a certain amount of pain and suffering that one should expect in these situations and rightfully so. That’s all part of the process, but at some point the hurting has to stop and the healing has to begin for both sides. When the anger turns to hurt and the hurt turns to torture, enough is enough! There’s a reason they’re in the boat they’re in and they should have been smart enough to spot the leaks before it became a sinking ship!

         For those on the other side of the fence, the lament becomes “ I just wish they would leave me alone” . To you I say, when you think it can’t get any worse it surely will and when you think you can’t take it any more you will find the strength to carry on the fight. When you feel that all is lost, there will be a glimmer of hope that will guide you on your way to a brighter day and your own personal “Breakaway”

"The Party"

             This weekend marked a very special occasion for us as we attended my grandson Jackson's second birthday party. This was a special occasion since he is so very dear to me, but what made it really special was the fact that it marked the first official gathering on my side of the family that Joyce and I attended as a real part of the family! It was incredibly satisfying for us to be a part of something that had always been so special to both of us, our families!

              I know that it seems strange to most of you that we make such a big deal out of something so simple, but when you go through the life changes that we both have been through over the past two years, even the simpliest family functions take on new meaning. I have spoken many times in my past postings on this blog of the strain that my divorce put on my family and I won't rehash them here, but it has been a long hard road back and we are so pleased that we finally have completed the circle that has returned us to some form of normalcy with our families. We now are able to feel good about where we are and are excited about building on this foundation. We plan to see my oldest daughter soon to visit with her little ones and it is our wish that we can begin to broaden our relationship with them.

               Joyce and I have paid a heavy price to be able to share our love for each other and to have a chance to finally be really happy. Now we are able to enjoy some of the dividends that our investment in each other has brought to us. 

Parenthood....the "look at me I'm all grown up" years

            Parenthood, It's a wonderful thing, in fact it most likely will be your life's greatest achievement. As I look back, becoming a parent was one of the greatest and maybe the scariest moments of my life. Bringing a new life into the world and nurturing it to adulthood is a monumental task for all involved. If you decide you want to be a parent you better pack a lunch because you're going to be there for a while and it will take every bit of energy, patience and not to mention money that you can muster!
         At some point though sooner or later your kids will grow up and leave home to make their way in the world on their own. First there will be school or jobs and then husbands or wives and then houses and kids. If all this sounds familiar it could be because it is, it's the very same thing that you did when you were in their place! The best you can hope for is that they don't make the same mistakes you did and that they have a easier time of it than you.
        Even though that is your wish, life doesn't always go according to plan and things go awry. These are the times that require you to dust off your boots and jump back in the saddle to ride in defense of you child once again.! All kidding aside, we as parents should be smart enough to know that sooner if not later our kids are going to go through some rough times and probably do some things we don't like or agree with, but these are the times that they need us the most. Just as they did when they were little, by nature they will turn to you for advice, help, or support and sometimes just a shoulder to cry on. It is up to us to provide what ever it is that we can to get them through and back on track. The one thing we can't do is turn them away or turn our backs on them when the going gets tough.
        I myself am proud to say that I have two of the most wonderful children that a parent could ask for and I have always done my best to love and support them to the best of my ability, and they have always been there for me in my times of need. It is a wonderful feeling to have that kind of bond with a child. Who knows, they may be the ones changing your diapers one of these days !

Decades

         
            2010, Wow, a new decade has slipped up on us again! It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years since the turn of the century. I've spent a lot of time lately reflecting on decades past. For those of us who were born in a year close to the start of a new decade it's common for us to define our lives in ten year segments.
           For me that's easy, as it seems that some life changing event has happened in each of the six decades of life I've been around for. Just for the record I thought it would be interesting to share some of my thoughts on those events and what they meant to me, so here goes:


The 50's
             As the "Baby Boom" years were winding down I was the first born to a couple of kids of 14 and 17. After five tumultuous years, my father passed away at the age of 23 leaving Mom and four kids behind. We weren’t exactly off to a flying start. As the decade came to a close my first real memories of my early childhood weren't so good and I still to this day wonder how much different my life would have been if my father had lived.


The 60's
            As strange as it seems, I can trace a so much of who and what I am to what happened during this ten year period. In 1960 I started school, got a step father and began my journey through the decade that changed America forever! We spent the first five years of the 60's as most kids our age did, running, playing, going to school. My fondest memories from those years were of my grand parents as I was very close to them. Life was so simple back then. Little did I know how much things were about to change.
             The second part of the decade were among the worst of my young life. It began with the death of my grand mother, and continued with a string of years laced with tough times. I began to learn the harshness of being under privileged and growing up in a college town where a lot of our peers were from well to do families connected to the school. It made it tough to fit in. I tried my best, but without parental support and a dire lack of resources, it was almost impossible. It took me years to overcome the stigma.
            The 60's drew to a close as I spiraled toward my 16th birthday. I spent most of my time trying to figure out who I was and where I was going, and as Paul Simon put it "twitching like a finger on the trigger of a gun...."

To be continued .....

Decades ....continued

          As I reviewed the first installment of "Decades" in preparation to write the next post, I realized it turned out to be a little different than I had intended. My original thought was to define the decades of my life by pointing to specific events but it seemed to turn into a mini autobiography. But I guess thats OK, everyone seemed to enjoy it so I will stay the course.

The 70'S

          Looking back it's hard to imagine how so much can happen in ten years time. I don't think I could survive that kind of change now! When I turned sixteen my whole world seemed to change. The most amazing thing I remember about those times is how everything you do is a new experience and when you have to figure it out as you go along it can be scary.
         As the seventies began I was fresh off my sixteenth birthday, I got my drivers licence, got a car, started work on my first public job and started dating my soon to be wife. From there everything became a blur. A little more than two years into the decade I was married. In that same year I graduated from high school and became a father a couple of months later. It was if I had fallen off a cliff into the abyss called adulthood.  
          Four years later I made what turned out to be the most important decision of my life. I accepted a job with a company that wanted me to move away from the only place I had ever known. It started me on a journey that would lead me to the wonderfull place in my life I now reside.

......as I looked to west and watched the sun set over the giant blue mountains, a fair haired princess was at that very moment preparing for her journey, a journey that would lead her to me .....

           We spent the next four years raising our first daughter, creating our second beautiful daughter and moving three more times. Once again times were very hard, I worked way more than I should have and sometimes I wondered if the life we were chasing would ever be in our grasp.
            The 80's were on the horizon, my twenty's were slipping away and life was becoming more and more complicated.

Decades......continued again

The 80's

           As the 80's began it found us newly settled in eastern North Carolina. We busily went about the task of raising a family and managing a career . Life was pretty good. We spent a lot of time camping and doing all the things families should be doing together. In fact, the 80's were almost entirely dedicated to the kids as they worked their way through school. It was girl scouts, ballet, sports, and cheerleading. Friday night football, dances and sleep over's. I felt good about it. It was all the things I didn't have when I was their age.
            It was 1985 that marked another turning point in my life. We had become weary of all the moving and missed home. Out of the blue came a job offer from back home that I couldn't pass up. So we packed up and moved back to Virginia again. This was the place that my girls finally would call home. For me it was the beginning point of a journey that would span 25 years and finally lead me to real happiness.

        ........ the mountains rose once again in the west before me. In the land beyond the sunset the fair haired princess was troubled as she began her search for the love she could only dream of ..........      

            The balance of the decade was spent working on our new place, enjoying being with family again and all the things we missed while we were away. But for me there was something different. I realized that after all these years something was missing. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on but as the 80's drew to a close there were dark clouds on the horizon warning of an eminent storm of change.   
           

Decades.......continued one more time

The 90's

            The new decade had begun. Just like all the others before it, I had had a birthday a little more than a week before. This time it was my thirty seventh. Maybe it was what all men go through as they approach forty, or maybe it was my time to stop and evaluate where I stood in my life. Up until now I had been too busy to notice just how unhappy I was, no unhappy is not the right word, I think dissatisfied explains it better. I started to realize just how unsatisfied I was with my career, my marriage, my life in general. I had missed out on so much in my younger years, made so many mistakes and had so many things I wanted to do but never had the chance. I began to realize the window of oppertunity begins to shrink with every year that passes. It can make you do things you never would have done before.

........ as we both search for the happiness that eludes us, we find solace in the wrong people. They are not the ones ........

        The first two years of the decade change me forever. Like Forest Gump "thats all I have to say about that" . By mid decade everything has changed. I am now a granfather, the nest is now empty as my youngest goes off to school, my marriage is a mess and to top it all off my employer is taken over by a Baltimore company who wants me to transfer. I am ready for a change, but I am the only one. We make the move.
         The next five years drift by. The dissatisfaction I felt before now turns to unhappiness.

........ The fair haired princess also is called to the north, the wheels of destiny begin to turn .......  

       



      

Decades ....The New Millenium

        Reflecting back to the year 2000 it's a little more clear just how special that date was. It's a very small percentage of us who get to experience the turn of a century, but living through the turn of a millenium is something thats incredibly special. The traces of everything and everyone we know or can imagine will be swept away on the winds of time long before this thousand years comes to a close.
        Enough of that big picture thinking, it's time to get back to whats really important, our lives and loves and all the things that make our existence so very special.

Y2K.... A new beginning

        A new decade, a new millenium, exciting times?, a time of change ?, for me I'm staring 50 in the face and the prospects of more of the same old stuff. Now, the strain of a high pressure job, a crumbling relationship with my wife and my bad health habits start to take it's toll on me. The years roll along. I get older and more tired mentally and physically with every passing day. The only thing that keeps me going is my relationship with my grand children. It has become the best thing in my life. It is the only thing that my wife and I have in common, it is the last remaining bond between us.

...... the fair haired princess appears before me for the first time. She is there and stays for many days, but I do not see her for what she is. She knows that I am the one but does not allow herself to look upon me ........
       

        After a ten month failed attempt at trying to get in some kind of better shape and trying to quit smoking, I fell back into the grasp of bad eating habits and smoking again. The one good thing that comes from it is that I began to ride a bicycle again. I loved the bike when I was a child. It was my key to freedom and the world outside. As I began to ride more and more, my love of the bike is renewed and that love lives on to this day. It now is a symbol of my conquest of the health problems I was about to face.

       As the fall of 2005 arrived I began to feel tinges of pain in my chest. I thought it was from lifting or some other strenuous activity and thought that it would go away. The days passed and occasionally the same pain would return and I would try to ignore it. Then on a November night just before Thanksgiving I awoke at 2 AM with that same  pain in my chest except that is unlike anything I had felt before. I knew something terrible was happening but I never dreamed it could be what it was. I got up, dressed, and sat and waited.
       The paramedics that hastilly checked me out told me that it appeared to be a heart attack. I couldn't believe it. It was the last thing I thought I would ever happen to me. I had never been sick enough to miss work before in my life now this!
        The events that followed in the next few minutes and hours are something that I will not discuss here but lets just say I am glad to be able to share this story with you now. Several days later I leave the hospital with a chest full of stitches and a new outlook on life. I am determined to come back from this just as I have everything else I've faced in my life. The days pass and I struggle to make some kind of sense out of what's happened to me. I begin to recover, in four weeks I return to work. I start my search for answers to all the questions I now have about the past, the present and most of all the future. This time everything's changed.

.........the fair haired princess leaves for a new life across the seas but her presence lingers on. I find myself longing for her return even if it is only for a moment .............

         As the months turn to years. my sadness grows as I become more and more unhappy with my life. I try to keep busy doing all the mundain things I do, but the longing for someone to share my life and love with again is sometimes more than I can bear. After a while I resign myself to the fact that this is my life and it's not going to change. I am destined to live out my remaining days without ever again knowing the joys of a companion who really loves me and wants me and wants to share my life. Little did I know I was about to find out what destiny is really all about !

......... The fair haired princess returns to the place that once brought her happiness. I embrace her as I had done many times before but this time is different. As she turns to leave once again, I silently wish "see me, see me now" and she does. We never again take our eyes from each other.   

          

Together we live happily ever after !!!    

Christmas

      Christmas has traditionally been one of my favorite holidays and it continues to be even though so many things have changed in the past two years. I can't even begin to describe all the emotions and feelings connected with the Christmas holiday.
      There are however a few things that I am absolutely sure of, the most important one is that this Christmas season marked a turning point in my life that has been in the making for for a year and a half. Finally after all the drama and all the struggles and all the craziness, I am beginning to feel really comfortable with where I am, and the decision I made to start a new life. It was the biggest and toughest decision of my life, but it was absolutely the best thing I have ever done. I love my new life and the one with whom I share it!
        The other thing is that I have two of the most wonderfull children in the whole wide world! My time with them over the holiday will always be remembered as something very special.
         My youngest, Amanda, has been my biggest supporter over the past year, always being there for me and trying to understand why I chose the path I did even though it turned our family life upside down. She took me in when I had no where to go and always listened to my side of the story, trying to understand even though it didn't make a bit of sense at the time. And now in the biggest display of her love for me she has reconized my new love and welcomed her into her family's life. I cannot fully express how much I love her and how much this means to me! Her compassion, love and understanding will stay with me through the rest of my days.
         Monica, the oldest of my two girls, also endured a year of suffering and turmoil due to me. She unfortunately was left to deal with the majority of the emotional overload that consumed her mother.I can only imagine how it made her feel to be barraged with all the hate and anger her mother felt toward me. But as time went along and the real story began to get clearer, I think her love for me began to break through like the sun through a heavy morning fog. A ray here and there slowly becomes a flood of warmth and light. I was welcomed back into her life open arms and she too has accepted Joyce as a part of my life and therefore a part of her life.
        I want her to know that we are here for her in her time of need and this will become the days and months that redefine our relationship with each other. This is a new beginning , a new life and a new level of love for us all.              
      This truly will be a Christmas to remember!!

    

"Birthdays"

I had a birthday just the other day.
It felt kinda like the day before.
Nothing good about being another year older.
That's life I guess...
Better than the alternative
I know,
been there, done that.

"In My Life"

         The year was 1965, I, like so many kids at school were caught up in the music of the day. I had scraped together enough money to buy my first ever album,"Rubber Soul" by the Beatles. I bought it again a couple of month's ago in the newly released digitally remastered version on cd. Little did I know back then that forty some odd years later one of the little known cuts from the album would have such profound meaning for me and my Baby.

In My Life
There are places I remember
All my Life, though some have changed,
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places had their moments,
With lovers and friends I still can recall,
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compared to you,
And these memories loose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.
Though I'll never loose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I'll love you more.
In my life I'll love you more.

         With so many years of water under the bridges of life, our conversations inevitably turn to discussions about people, places and past relationships. This song really puts into perspective how I feel about this subject. Although there are people and places that had their moments, and will never loose their meaning, no one will ever compare to you! In my life I'll love you more .

" The Perfect Match "

           As I sat and watched TV the other night I kept seeing a commercial for eHarmony.com, one of the more popular online match making sites. Their claim to fame is that they supposedly match you to perspective mates using 29 different dimentions,whatever that means! It made me think about what I have told many people over the past year about me and my "Baby", as I like to call her, is that if I were to make a list of everything I would like to have in a woman, she would come up as my perfect match!
           I didn't sign up for her, I didn't "google" her, I really wasn't even looking for her. There was one thing I was doing, I dreamed of her every day! I dreamed of a woman who would love me as I would love her. Someone to share with me the joys of life and love as I had never done before.Magically she just appeared one day and changed my life forever. 
           Your perfect match isn't someone who is just like you, it's the person who is that rare combination of being like you in some ways and different in others. This allows you to feel as if the two of you together are like one, but stronger as individuals because of what the other one adds to the relationship.                
            I am so fortunate to have all of these things and more. I sometimes find myself in disbelief that after all these years I have found my "Perfect Match" 

Father and Child Reunion

            I saw my daughter yesterday for the first time in almost a year.

 We cried......

            The road that lead to this day has been a long and winding one. Incredibly the same thing that split us apart on a bleak January night has brought us back together. The details aren't important, the thing that is important is that the relationship between my daughter and I although severely stretched was not broken.
           Now we have been rejoined with a new understanding of the complexities of life and love and a new and stronger bond between us.

 We were happy.....
     

Thanksgiving

           Thanksgiving has always been a special time for me. In my past life it was about family gatherings, deer hunting and of course lots of food. That chapter of my life is closed now but it's one of the few things that I miss. Last Thanksgiving was the first together for Joyce and I. It was exactly what it should have been. We cooked ourselves a miniture version of a Thanksgivng feast, enjoyed our meal together and reminised about Thanksgivings past. We were happy and very thankful for being together.
           This year as the day approached we were preparing ourselves for a repeat of last year when things began to happen. First Joyce's daughter Elizabeth called and told her mother that she and her boyfriend Kenny wanted to come for dinner with us. We both were very excited about the prospects of Thanksgiving dinner with family again even though it was small. That's when I suggested to Joyce that she should invite her son Douglas and his family to come over also. We really didn't expect them to come since we assumed they would go to his wife's family gathering. Much to our surprise they accepted our invitation and even said they would be here early.
            Needless to say Joyce was overjoyed! She so misses her grandaughter Hallie and the time together with her family.I also have struggled, constantly dealing with the family turmoil caused by divorce but I feel like I have made great progress this past year with mending some of the situations with my children caused by the split up of their parents. Because of this, much to my surprise, I had the opportunity to bring my youngest grandson Jackson over to our house for the day. What a wonderful Thanksgiving gift that was for me!

            This just goes to show that no matter how bad things get there's always hope for a better future. All we can do is follow our hearts, be true to one's self, and take every opportunity to show our love for those who really count.

"The Blind Side"

               When Joyce first started telling me about wanting to see this movie( The Blindside) I thought to my self " oh no not another chick flick". But she assured me that because it was based on a true story about a football player ( Michael Oher ) that I would like it but I really got interested when I found out that the star of the movie was Sandra Bullock! Anyway back to the movie review....

                The story is set in Memphis Tn. where a young man is pulled from the projects by a friend who is trying to get his son accepted to a Christian academy and brings Michael aka "Big Mike" along for the ride. With high hopes of recruiting a star player the coach works to get Michael accepted because of his size but struggles because he's an academic disaster.

                Things really begin to change when Michael is taken in by LeAnne and Sean Tuohy,  a well to do couple, who help him through the trials and tribulations of breaking away from his other life in the projects and dealing with his crack addicted mother.

                 For us guys the football scenes are scripted and pretty much unbeleivable but Sandra makes up for it by looking incredible as a blonde! For the ladies it has plenty of tugs at the heart strings and surely will bring a tear or two. Costar Tim McGraw sheds his macho country superstar image to play the mild mannered buisnessman husband and pulls it off nicely.

                  This one is definitely worth seeing even though you'll have to fight your way through the "Twilight " groupies.    

Love

        Love ... Often dismissed as over rated by those who don't have it, cherished by those who do. Some spend a lifetime searching for it, others are lucky enough to find it at every turn. For those of us who have been around a while,we have most likely been on both sides of the fence.. had it.. lost it.. dreamed of it.. found it when we least expected it. I myself have been lucky enough to find the love of my life at a time when I had just about come to the conclusion that all hope of feeling that most wonderful of emotions again was gone forever.
        It has changed me and changed my life! It is amazing how you look at things differently through those rose colored glasses that are standard equipment when you are in love. Things that were once drudgery are now fun and exciting. Each day becomes an adventure, things that once seemed out of reach are now possible and your desire to reach out for those things is renewed.
        If you consider yourself in love, don't take it for granted that it will always be there, for you may wake one day and realize that things have changed. It will leave you wondering where you went wrong. Love is like a beautifull garden filled with things you love to enjoy. But without a lot care and nurturing it can become wilted, filled with weeds and finally dying, leaving behind only the remains of what used to be.
        So whether it's a spouse, a girl/boy friend, a child or a parent, don't just say the words that we so often carelessly use out of habit when leaving them or at the end of a phone conversation. "I love you" should always come from the heart and be accompanied by the actions and emotions that let them feel what you feel for them and inspires them to love you in return.